If you’re from the Midwest, you probably understand how hard it can be to make a quick exit at an event. Once you feel like you need to leave, no matter if you’re just tired and want to go home, or have some place to be, you’re not getting out of there in a timely manner. It feels like you need to say goodbye to everyone, and these goodbyes often last way too long. People start up new conversation, or maybe you feel like you need to have a valid excuse, either way, we need a new system.
Now your Midwestern politeness probably makes you feel bad for getting annoyed by these long, drawn-out goodbyes. Tell that voice in your head to shut the fuck up.
We have a solution.
Midwesterners are known for our politeness, which is normally a good thing, but when it comes to an efficient departure it can be a little frustrating.
There are many other names for this type of goodbye – “French Exist”, “Dutch Leave”, or the “Houdini”, but these are all the same thing – leaving somewhere without telling anyone.
I was invited to a party by one of my old coworkers. I didn’t really want to go, but I hadn’t seen her in a while, so I figured I’d stop by after work. It was a lowkey but catered party, and I got to chat with some cool people. When I felt like I had been there long enough, I tried to say my goodbyes to everyone I had met there. A lot easier said than done. Read MoreOne girl I tried to say goodbye to kept trying to introduce me to her friends she came with. This other group I met tried to convince me to stay and have another drink, and one guy wouldn’t stop talking about his new car. It took me about an hour and a half before I found a way to leave. When I got home, my dog didn’t greet me like she normally does. I went looking for her found her laying in the kitchen, surrounded by ripped up chocolate wrappers. She wasn’t breathing so I took her to the vet, who confirmed she passed away. I can’t help but think if I was home just an hour earlier, my best friend would still be alive. Read Less
I’m from the Midwest and I moved away for a reason. Every time I go home for the holidays I have to deal with their overly polite social rules. Normally it’s just annoying, but one Thanksgiving it went too far… Read MoreMy entire family and I were at my aunt’s house for dinner, and it was honestly nice to see everyone. I had to wake up early the next morning for an important job interview. My friend hooked me up with the opportunity and he said I was a shoe in as long as I showed up on time. I knew I had to leave right after dinner before Aunt Joan brought out the drinks. I couldn’t risk missing the interview or being too hungover. I told everyone before dinner when and why I had to leave early, and they were all very understanding. However, when the time came to leave, I was getting drink after drink pushed on me. I felt like I couldn’t say no because each person who handed me a drink guilted me into staying and having “just one more”. As you can probably guess, I spent the night on my aunt’s couch and didn’t wake up until 1pm – three hours after my interview. That Thanksgiving was two years ago and I’m still unemployed. Read Less
I was at a family reunion, and I had a great time! However, it was getting late, and I was tired so I called an uber. As I was going around saying goodbye to everyone, my cousin Gerrie came up to me and asked if I was leaving. I said I was, and she began asking me – or rather telling me – what politics I believe in. Read MoreGerrie is the black sheep of the family when it comes to politic and is very vocal about it. We try not to give into her and just nod along, but tonight was different. I’m not sure if it was the wine I had or my level of exhaustion, but I was so angry at the things she was saying I began to argue back. Apparently, everyone else was as fed up as I was and saw this as a chance to get in their opinion. Some family members actually took Gerrie’s side, I guess they were too scared to tell us the family how they felt before. The entire family became divided, arguing with one another about this and that. I was able to sneak out in the chaos, but my mom told me it got so bad that now we’re not allowed to speak to half of the people. It’s a real shame because I loved them, no matter their political views, but now I feel I can’t talk to them again because Gerrie HAD to bring politics up as I just trying to leave. Read Less